Monday, April 20, 2009

Say hello to your friends...

David Cummings!

Let that name ring through your ears for all eternity. That beautiful rose petal of a name belongs to the deelish Zach Braff. The Braffster (who I find to be delightful, and not at all a douche) plays an adolescent bursting at the seams with pubescent, Save-The-Trees spooge.

Cummings? Trust, that boy went home and hand j'ed himself to the thought of Dawn's blonde bangs rubbing against his newly dropped balls.

Say hello to your friends, indeed: Righty and Lefty...

Sunday, April 19, 2009

Fall to your knees, sluts!

The savior of the 21st Century has graced the world with her presence for another year. Bown down. Show some respect.

Suri Cruise is now 3 years old!

Happy birthday, Your HIGHness.

By the way, totes LOVE the eye bitch is giving Katie in this picture. She's over it and is ready for a sippy cup filled with crown and barley water. Me too, Suri. Me too...

Monday, March 23, 2009

Weird Connections

Doesn't Reese Witherspoon's new dress remind you of Fried Green when Kathy Bates character opened the door to try to impress her husband in celophane? This is not a good thing

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

La Isla Bonita

Why does Madonna look younger than me? She probably bought the skin of a 21 year old who drank green tea everyday of her life and did pilates while eating blueberries topped with virgin blood.

Monday, March 16, 2009

Strange Attractions #1

I have really weird strange attractions to people. Somewhere deep in my subconcious there must be an explanation. Where is Freud when you need him? Paul Giamatti Katt Williams Jay Leno

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Let's hit this shit, like Ike hit Tina

Holy Crap, I want in on this action. As Beer Pong Champion of the world, I must say, these fellers have outdone even myself. This is a sporting event that I must partake in. This summer = massive beer pong challenges.



Who would you rather... Desperation Edition!

Would you rather...

Let Chef Mario Batali stuff your sausage while wearing his orange crocs...

Let Jamie and Adam bust your myth (and by bust your myth, I mean tagteam)...

Or spend a quality evening with the adorable walrus who plays saxaphone?

Only YOU hold the power to decide!
(Isn't desperation a bitch?)

Something to melt your bitter, cold heart...

It's Friday Eve, sluts!

Instead of dwelling on the sad fact you still have to work today and all tomorrow before your weekend begins, let Lola touch your soul. If this doesn't work, remember large amounts of grain alcohol numbs all pain.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009


Take note, sluts. You all really slacked on my birthday cake last month, but I'm giving you an opportunity to redeem youself! Buy me this cheeseburger bed. Now.


Speak of the Facts of Life Devil!


Pop Culture Kamikaze has the power to bring celebrities out of hiding and back into the limelight!

Oh, Mindy... That Confessions of a Teen Idol: CHICKS that I fantasized about is right around the corner for you. I can smell it. Or maybe that's the weird shit you're eating...

Either way, welcome back into our hearts!

Happy Sexy Birthday!

March 11th is indeed a glorious day! Not only is it a HUMP Day (plan accordingly), but vaginas all over the world gave birth to totally hott pieces. Check out the birthdays on this blessed day...

Eric the Midget (34)
(I'm totally addicted to Howard Stern, by the way...)

Johnny Knoxville (38)

Joey Buttafuoco (53)

Bobby McFerrin (59)

Happy birthday, Bitches!

GIF of the day! Buckwildedness!

It's not every day you wake up, drag your hungover ass to work and discover the most beautiful GIF you've ever seen. Becky Buckwild unleashes her grace and class every Monday on I Love Money 2, and this week was no exception. This shit is Cable Ace Award worthy!

P.S. Watching her and Frank the Entertainer make out like rabid walruses made my ovaries shrivel a little...

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Bestie for the day!

After 21 years together, 71-year-old George Takei and 54-year-old Brad Altman married in the City of Angels. Two hundred guests, best man Walter Koenig (who played Chekov on Star Trek) and "best lady" Nichelle Nichols (who played Uhura on Star Trek), attended the ceremony at the Democracy Forum of the Japanese American National Museum.

Takei and Altman were the first couple to receive a marriage license in the City of West Hollywood when California began issuing them to gay couples on June 17. The happy couple 'high stepped' it down the aisle to the classic gay anthem One!

Congrats, you crazy kids!

Hand J's a plenty, K & J

I love you, Papiiiii

Let's analyze and deconstruc this together......
Why is there a nice candle holder in the background? Where do I buy this? I need a new centerpiece.
Puka Shells... Really? One time my ex-boyfriend came back from the beach and all he wore was Puka Shells for like thirveventeen years. We are not in 1970s Jersey Shore.
Nice Pecks... They are both like... separated. Like a boob job. Nice and shiny too. Which brings me to the V-Neck. Do we really need to see this? I know so many women are grabbing at your body, which V-Neck will help with easy access... but really? No one wants to see this. No One. NO ONE.


Where are you? Why is one pant leg up? What is an in-gasm? No Doubt.

GIF of the day!

What a hott mess... WORK IT, GIRL!

My Dream Confessions of a Teen Idol Cast: For the Ladies

As you may or may not have guessed, I'm obsessed with Vh1 Celebreality. Their latest crops of reality genius, like Tool Academy and Confessions of a Teen Idol, make me not feel so bad about sitting at home on the weekends drinking by myself. (Side note: Have you ever had plum wine? That shit is the jam! It's like drinking candy that gets you drunk in half the time.)

During a moment of drunken clarity (they do exist!), I envisioned my dream cast of Confessions of a Teen Idol: Chicks!

For your sick, twisted mind to enjoy...

Natalie from Facts of Life

First Becky from Roseanne

That one hott slut from Salute your Shorts Mother fucking Rayanne from My So-Called Life Little Ginger Chrissy from Growing Pains Whitley Unfuckwithable Gilbert from A Different World

The slut working the spandex from Mousercise Kimmy Gibler FTW!

Monday, March 9, 2009

For your consideration: SNL Edition!

The 2,957,698th reason rednecks shouldn't be allowed to have money...

Really? You really thought this was acceptable to wear? Ever?

Who would you rather... Monday Edition!

Willard Scott
John Madden
A delicious Monte Cristo Sandwich

How to avoid the lines at Walt Disney World

  • Be a Mouseketeer on the early 90s MMC
  • Get a boob job and show your midriff in your teens
  • Create infectious melodies and go on tour with boy bands
  • Get married
  • Get divorced
  • Get married again
  • Pop out a few kids
  • Get divoroced again
  • Go crazy, shave your head, speak in a british accent
  • Have your dad rule your life, as ordered by the courts
  • Go to Walt Disney World
I'm getting on that shit right now... Those lines are a beast!

Must. Own. NOW!

Christmas, err, Chanukah has come early, sluts! I stumbled across this little piece of awesomeness while sipping on my Decaf 5 Hour Energy (yes, they make decaf - don't hate on my discovery).

After reliving the song that never ends as the decaf energy coarsed through my veins, I decided that this is my present to you all this year.

No, I won't be buying it for your cheap ass, but I WILL show you that such a thing exists!

Could they have included more of Lambchop on the physical disc? That bitch always made my Saturday morning pop tarts taste extra sweet...

Sunday, March 8, 2009

I've got a strange craving...

Anyone else in the mood for some authentic Jamaican spicy cock?

Saturday, March 7, 2009

Happy Saturday TO YOU!

How to be Cool

- Online Friends - Eat more meat - Make gym buddies - Wear Crocs - "America's Best Dance Crew" - Tuna Fish Sandwich - Old Navy Cargo Shorts - Stripped Polos - Leaving tags on suit jacket - Go Bald "Bald is Beautiful" - Chastise Broadway Musicals - Find Punky Brewster DVDS - Jews for Jesus? - Make cornbread for friends - Pet Gerbil - Appletinis - Peace Frog Shirts - Pirates

Sunday, March 1, 2009

Prelude to ghetto prom dress season

There must be an explanation for this photo... 1. There must be a mustache competition somewhere 2. WHERE DO I GET TICKETS

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Happy Birthday, Billy Zane! May I blow you?

This hott piece turns 43 today...
White boys all over the world, take note! This is how you can pull off a bald head: Be fucking beautiful. I can almost hear my vag saying in it's best Whitney Houston impersonation ever, "Damn!"


Dear God, Please make this one trend happen. I promise to be good.

Monday, February 23, 2009

Hallelujah, HOLY SHIT!

Eric Nies actually owns a pair of shoes!

For your consideration... Hott TV Dad's edition

Jack Arnold, The Wonder YearsDr Jason Seaver, Growing Pains Danny Tanner, Full House Nick Russo, Blossom Hank Hill, King of the Hill