Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Happy Birthday, Billy Zane! May I blow you?

This hott piece turns 43 today...
White boys all over the world, take note! This is how you can pull off a bald head: Be fucking beautiful. I can almost hear my vag saying in it's best Whitney Houston impersonation ever, "Damn!"


Dear God, Please make this one trend happen. I promise to be good.

Monday, February 23, 2009

Hallelujah, HOLY SHIT!

Eric Nies actually owns a pair of shoes!

For your consideration... Hott TV Dad's edition

Jack Arnold, The Wonder YearsDr Jason Seaver, Growing Pains Danny Tanner, Full House Nick Russo, Blossom Hank Hill, King of the Hill

The Surreal Life, in my mind

First ever in the show would be the HOUSE DOG: STAINS!!!

I bet he is not doing much! Elizabeth Berkley Because I want her to get drunk and yell "I'm so excited!!!"
George Clinton
To bring some nasty ass funk to the house
Because she can enlighten others about Sickle Cell and also VH1 usually has some black singer lady, Da Brat where you at!?
Kurt Loder
We need someone to think he is better than the show, even when in reality he isn't doing anything but eating Oreos and reading old copies of Spin
Because when they would do challenges outside the show, he is not afraid to sing his hit single BABY GOT BACCCCKKK. Plus I think him and Roseanne would become BFF

What is Tim Curry up to these days?

I love Tim Curry. I think he is a little bit sexy/scary which is a perfect combination to reach my heart. I wish he was in more movies, I did a little imdb action on him and he did some episode of Psych and is the voice in some movie called "Around the world in 50 years." I wish they would make a Congo II. Here is the synposis, Tim Curry survives and has been living in the diamond mines for years. He has trained the evil gorillas to perform Rocky Horror nightly to his amusement. He sits on a diamond throne on top of a mine and laughs and drinks Boones Farm from the throne. Then dinosaurs come and they all get eaten. Ernie Hudson will save the day though, SUCK IT. He apparently is also a fan of the song "Umbrella" by Rhianna. Ella...ellla....elllaaaaaa

Amazing Cakes!

With one of your favorite blogger's birthday fast approaching, I thought it would only be fitting to check out some of the world's best cakes. Get ideas bitches... My cake better top them all!

Lifetime Achievement Award #1

Behold! The man, the myth, the legend... RICK MORANIS!
Born April 18th, 1953, Canadian-born Frederick Alan Moranis has spent over 30 years blessing small and big screens alike with his sexy presence. This underappreciated legendary actor stands at only 5'4", but is larger than life in talent (and probably in the pants as well).

His amazing acting credits include:

  • Strange Brew
  • Ghostbusters I & II
  • Honey, I Shrunk the Kids (all 3 incarnations)
  • My Blue Heaven
  • Spaceballs
  • Little Shop of Horrors
  • Brewster's Millions
  • Little Giants

Pure genius. I'd let him put it in the pooper based on street cred alone.

Sunday, February 22, 2009

GIF of the day!

This little tidbit of awesomenessity is brought to you by Bret Michaels and his 3rd Annual Trash of Lust Mud Bowl!

For your secksi-times consideration...

Mtv Sports Host, Dan Cortese - Whether sky diving with Ian Ziering, or playing Rock 'N Jock softball, Dan made it a point to ooze with machismo. Girls of all ages felt tingly at the sight of his perfect hair - And no, that wasn't from the copious amounts of VD he undoubtedly spread across the nation.
Mike Rowe, Host of Dirty Jobs - No matter what job he attempts, Mike holds a special place in our hearts. There's something that makes me need to change my panties when I think that this man is a professional opera singer, wrote for Futurama, and isn't afraid to gut a whale while juggling fire.

Saturday, February 21, 2009

Who would you rather do? Josh Brolin edition

Would you rather let Josh portraying Brand(on) Walsh from The Goonies ride his tricycle into your Chester Copperpot? ( For those of you that suck outloud at life, Josh is in the red bandana.)
Or let Josh put his axis of evil inside your oval office as W? I'm really torn. You must decide for us all.

Friday, February 20, 2009

Weird Food Item #1


On a much lighter note....

This ox was born with a white heart on it's head.... Awwwww!! And it does the cool animal photos where the tongue is halfway out...AWWWW!!!

It's the 21st Century, right?

Kevin, the Saved by the Bell robot, is going to put his 3 1/2" floppy into my hard drive until I scream for a virus scan. Looooveshim! Better lay than Slater for sure.


CHOLAS Research Study, by Dr. Maria Cholapereztaco
Cholas often find themselves thinking about new chola styles (Burrito 3:4-5) In my study, I will observe cholas in their natural habitat during the course of three months. I will observe and conduct interviews with chola women to discover their inner secrets, views of life, and how they communicate with the rest of the world.
This is where the study begins. As you can see, the city glorifies the Chola as if it were a God. This is why the chola are worshiped as angels of fine designer makeup and clothing icons.
This is a chola in her habitat. As you can see, she is just "chillin at da crib" taking photos of her awesome makeup. She wants the world to know from her photo that she is a woman ready to take charge in the world, with her meticulously penciled eyebrows and lined lips. She is just oozzing the sex appeal, maybe later in the day she will walk to the local El Pollo Loco and find a papiiiiiii.
In conclusion for today...

A(x/e) + (LA/Looks) / f(r-at) = d/ouche+f(ac)e

The Douchebaggery is strong with this one...

Hero of the day...

Which ever hott piece of male secksiness tattooed Megan and retarded chihuaua Lily on his arm, I will forever devote my no-no hole for your sexual gratitude... You know that he wasn't straight, so my ass is all I can offer! Seriously, can we share a Bruegger's Bagel over your new arm life commitment and dicuss how we can get Megan to be on television forever? Please?

R.I.P Socks

Apparently, there was a Socks video game for the old school nintendo. Where do I get that shiz? Anyway... Socks passed away today for throat cancer. So I learned two things today, there was a socks video game AND cats can get throat cancer.

Only one turned out gay? Really?

Thoughts provoked by looking at this piece of Americana for longer than 30 seconds (aka in great detail)...
  • Joey - Love the acid washed jeans, my friend. Though the whole Run DMC look, along with the itchy armpit/homie point with your hands isn't really working. I'd still let you fingerbang me in the back of your mom's Buick Le Sabre, though. Trust.
  • Danny - Never had love for you, Danny. Sorry. In fact, my clever ass, 5 year old self called you Monkey Boy. (Burn.) My only observation is that I thank the person in charge of wardrobe during this shoot. They kept you properly shielded from my poor, unsuspecting eyes.
  • Jonathan - We'll leave the obvious joke about your finger representing all the hard peen you would later suck in life. Instead, we shall focus on how you're dressed like Ellen. Presh.
  • Jordan - Really? Are you kidding me? You were the straight one out of the Knight brothers? Cause I think you've at least let someone slide the tip in if you can wear nothing but overalls with a straight (HA!) face.
  • Donnie - Just gonna throw this out there... At least we know what Ron Weasley will look like when he reaches Donnie's age...

What is Suri thinking?

A) What in L Ron Hubbard hell is that thing? It looks like what daddy puts in his ass.

B) These giant mice are way more normal than my parents. Save me, please?

C) Bitches behind the fence hating on my fabulousness, don't think I don't see you. Suck it!

Quote of the Day

" This is called "I love Money"...not "I love looooveeee BITCH" ---- I Love Money Okay, Maybe I added in the bitch there, but I love it and Leilene sucks at life.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

GIF of the day!

Today's GIF of the day comes from Becky Buckwild...

Oh my GAWD, purple eyeshadow. I hear ya.

P.S. Honorable mention goes to Becky's Bestie, Saaphyri. Damn, all the sudden I have a craving for some side eye, bitchwhatchutalkinboutcauseimabeatyourass lip chap!

C U Next Tuesday, Denise

Seriously, I am BEYOND over this rancid piece of trash. Her kitty has to look like a piece of chewed up beef jerky at this point. Not only are you a cheap, sleazy fucktard, but you have ugly daughters.

Oh yes. I went there Denise.


Before you send your shit-tastic weave to come choke me in my sleep, let me clue you in on one other tasty tidbit of information...

Dancing with the Special Ed Kids is where celebrities go to die. My only wish this season is that you face plant in the first episode, perhaps leaving you unable to speak for eternity.

You lose, Denise -- At life. Burn.

People that would be my BFF if we met

The almighty Mr. Feeny would be my mentor. Rue McClanahahahananan aka BLANCHE Sam Jones. Kathy Griffin. Donkeylips. Buckwild.

The Ski Lodge will do it to you

I am going to write a little bit about Boy Meets World. There is something I still cannot get over. The "Ski Lodge" incident whent Cory cheats on Toganga with Lauren, the slut who nurses Cory back to health after the sprained ankle. Lauren led to the demise of Cory and Topanga, which caused Cory and Shawn to drink and get arrested. Shawn became an alocoholic for a day when he drank in school and Topanga had to go on other dates with the art student and look at Starry Night for endless hours discovering where their hearts will lead. This led my soul get shaken to the core.

Why would you want to ruin a perfectly good Cheeto?

These are actual Cheetos products that exist.

No really. These are legit. I'll allow you a moment to grab a shotgun...